


A Ridiculous Tale

by Hiruma_Musouka



Series: Through the Looking-Glass, Weirdly [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Aphrodisiacs, Cat/Human Hybrids, Consensual, First Time, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Rare Pairings, also Tobirama being an asshole because it amuses him, and bickering because it's these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:50:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7778452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiruma_Musouka/pseuds/Hiruma_Musouka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Away missions are weird. They're just weird. So ingesting a weak drug is par for the course really. It's an accident.</p><p>Probably.</p><p>(On the other hand, the only thing that Starship Konoha has in greater quantities than assholes are <i>bets</i> and the rigging of said bets. Although MOST people are smart enough to leave the First Mate and the Science Officer out of them.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Ridiculous Tale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts), [Red_Hot_Holly_Berries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Hot_Holly_Berries/gifts), [InsaneScriptist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneScriptist/gifts), [squidspawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidspawn/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Cat!Tobirama Picture](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/221836) by redhothollyberries. 
  * Inspired by [the "Tobirama is a Cat: Discuss" thing](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/221839) by various people on tumblr. 



> **EDIT 2016.08.24** NOW WITH FANART [ONE](http://hiruma-musouka.tumblr.com/post/149050075740/blackkatmagic-redhothollyberries-so-this-is) and [TWO](http://hiruma-musouka.tumblr.com/post/149079363725/skulldoll27-this-sketch-was-inspired-by)
> 
> So apparently trope fills are a thing now, too, when I don't have an idea and want to write. I'm officially gifting this to everyone I can offhand remember being involved in the "Tobirama is a Cat: Discuss" thing, because its existence is what I'm blaming for how Cat!Tobirama snuck in here, but I'm ESPECIALLY looking at redhothollyberries who drew _that one picture_.
> 
> (I didn't know if everyone involved wanted it gifted to them, so if I didn't know you as well, I didn't want to offend. If you participated in the ridiculousness blackkat started, drop me a line and I can add you on if you have an AO3.)
> 
> The fact worldbuilding snuck in a PWP is my fault. And I'm not really sorry about the PWP, or the worldbuilding (although I was moderately embarrassed about the amount of time I spent looking at cat puns because I wanted it to go with "It's a Catastrophe" which is one name for the Cat!Tobirama MadaTobi thing). BUT! I successfully kept the punning to a minimum, so yay me!

It's almost like fulfilling a compulsion when he finally sinks in.

Tobirama groans, sparks shooting through him as he bottoms out against his new lover, tail lashing behind him as he digs his fingers into muscled flesh. He closes his eyes, resting his forehead against the other man's bare back, and gulps down air like someone's going to take it from him. He vaguely registers breathless cursing under him which hitches when Tobirama drags his rough tongue up the man's spine, idly nudging hair out of his way until he reaches the man's neck and bites.

A spine arches under him and muscles clench down around his cock and this is absolutely the best idea Tobirama's ever had. Or the worst. Possibly the worst.

Fuck, it's hot.

Everything is hot. The planet had been hot, the food had been hot, he's hot, the room's hot, hot hot hothot _hot_ —

He moans, a deep purr reverberating from the depths of his lungs as a hand reaches back and roughly yanks him closer. He nuzzles against damp skin, lapping up tiny pin-pricks of blood and breathing deep to take in more and more of their scents through the faint cotton fuzzing up his brain.

"Move!" a voice orders breathlessly as Tobirama drags a hint of a fang over skin. He leans all his weight onto the other man so he can trail one hand up and down a hard thigh and slip the other around to scratch lightly at a toned chest. "Goddammit, stop _playing_ , you stupid cAT!" his partner bitches, voice hitching as Tobirama gives one lazy thrust before biting down again.

"Fu-fucking _catnip_ ," the man snarls, jerkily dropping from his hands to his elbows, cursing weakly as Tobirama takes the way his black hair slid forward as an invitation to drag that pebbled tongue up and down his neck. "A year of dancing around and putting up with st-stupid shipmates and pr-prissy - _shit_ \- and it's a stupid away mission with _space catnip_ that gets you to— If you don't start fucking me, _right now_ , you stupid, irritating, gorgeous, _goddamn infuriating Senju,_ I will FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!"

A vicious snarl rips it's way out of Tobirama's chest.

As the sound echoes off the metal walls, he bites down on the man's shoulder _hard_ : less about teasing and pleasure and more about claiming and holding him still - holding him _here_. There's the faint smell of blood in the air, and it takes Tobirama a moment to work past the surge of fury to realize it's not from where his fangs are still embedded in skin but from further down. When he'd lost his temper, he'd dug his fingers into the man's thigh and chest, claws coming out partway to leave shallow punctures behind.

Tobirama clenches his eyes shut, furious with himself and the fading drug and the part of his hindbrain still snarling territorial impulses about finding the competition, stalking them down, and clamping his _teeth_ around their jugular until they _stop moving_.

Madara - the infuriating fool who can always find the exact thing needed to _drive Tobirama crazy_ \- groans.

Only part of it's from pain.

Tobirama carefully retracts his claws, immediately burying them in the sheets to either side of Madara's chest. It takes... more self-control than he'll ever admit to withdraw his fangs from the firestarter's shoulder. He wants to crawl inside him and latch down and make sure the stupid idiot doesn't even _think_ about going anywhere. He wants to curl over him, block the slightly shorter man from anyone who might pay attention, and if the vast majority of Tobirama's apparently damaged brain didn't find Madara's physique so attractive, he'd probably be irritated that the Uchiha's solid build wasn't conductive to hiding underneath him.

But rationally, that was the drug and the territorial impulses conspiring with the stupid part of Tobirama's brain that thought 'nomming' on his own tail was perfectly acceptable.

So he takes his fangs out, plasters himself to Madara's back, and takes deep breaths as he fights through the anger in his veins that keeps trying to shut down all higher thought.

Which becomes absolutely _useless_ when the stupid firecracker pushes himself up and tries _pulling away_!

It's only after he's thrust back inside Madara with a growl, hands clenching down on the man's hip and hair as he struggles not to bite the shoulder that's pressed against his lips, that he hears Madara's laughing moan and realizes he's been played.

"You," Tobirama hisses around too long teeth, yanking Madara's head to the side by his hair so he can see his expression, "are _trying_ to get mauled."

"Oh look," Madara mocks, neck tilting awkwardly so he can smirk at Tobirama, "it's worn off enough you've got words again. Now stop _using_ them and _MOVE!"_ he demands, irises swirling with red as he tries to surge backwards onto the shifter's cock.

It doesn't work well given that Tobirama goes boneless on top of him and moves with the motion. Madara's resultant cursing - in a deep tone and with an edge of desperate frustration that Tobirama's never heard before - puts the purr back in Tobirama's chest and (ironically) makes it easy to relax again.

He nuzzles his face against the side and back of Madara's neck, winding his tail loosely around Madara's thigh as the brunet yells profanities into a pillow. There's something deeply satisfying about burying his face against warm skin and soft hair, about hearing a familiar heartbeat thrum, about smelling sweat and shampoo and arousal and the edge of sex all mixed in with this lunatic who doesn't care about fangs near his neck, who trusts that Tobirama won't seriously hurt him even when his control's a little shot, who hasn't once thought Tobirama was anything but one of the most capable sentients on the ship even while uttering a truly irritating number of cat references...

It makes him relaxed and lazy and content and the drug can burn through him as much as it wants and Tobirama's still perfectly happy to enjoy the slight fuzziness and take his time.

And if slowing down to what's essentially foreplay in the middle of things drives Madara absolutely crazy, it's not exactly a deterrent.

"You are _infuriating_! You are- you're a fucking cat-tease and I hate you!" Madara swears, small spasms moving through his back as Tobirama deigns to move with a lazy thrust. "I don't know why the fuck I like you! I make- I make bad life choices and I will find someone else to have sex with!"

"No, you won't," Tobirama says, barely managing a casual tone even if he can't quite control how his fingers clench down with bruising strength or the way his hindbrain yowls and wants to cover Madara in his scent and his bites and his scratches.

"Like hell I can't!"

"You _can_ but you won't," he says simply, pulling out to more curses so that he can drag the brunet onto his back. He grabs one of Madara's wrists and pins it down next to messy black hair before Madara drags him into a hungry kiss with the other. Another rumbling purr breaks free as the Uchiha massages near the base of a furry ear, and Tobirama reaches down with his free hand to grab Madara's cock, twisting just enough to make the man buck and break the kiss.

"I've paid attention, you know?" Tobirama says, voice dropping into an intimate whisper as he slides back into his lover's body, feeling heat curl up his stomach as thighs wrap around his waist, watching black eyes swirl crimson and heated. "You're ridiculous and stubborn and a fool and _utterly_ devoted to the people you love. And you'd hardly bluster so _consistently_ if you didn't already want to get invested."

Madara's mouth twists like he wants to refute it (probably the 'bluster' comment even if the Uchiha certainly knows that's what he does) and Tobirama decides to cut it off with a hard thrust, hiking Madara's hip up and watching him writhe as he gets just the right angle.

"So no, you _wouldn't_."

A small self-satisfied smile sneaks onto Tobirama's face as he watches Madara. He twists his head to the side and deliberately places a rough lick across the sensitive skin of Madara's inner wrist at same time as he hits his lover's prostate. A few more vulgarities slip out as Madara's eyes go half-lidded, threads of light purple starting to mix into red and black as his temperature sky-rockets noticeably, making Tobirama shudder at the heat, tail curling behind him.

"The territorial thing is... is pretty unexpected," Madara rasps huskily, twisting up despite his pinned wrist to drop biting kisses on one side of Tobirama's neck while hot fingers trace down his neck and cling to his shoulder. "I should have guessed it before. There's that subtle 'mine' thing you do: my books, my space, my _research_... and god help whoever forgets to give you credit, right _Tobirama?_ " he teases, falling back to the sheets with a smirk that's far too attractive. "Is this a _mine_ thing then?"

Tobirama chuffs, a little amused and a little annoyed as he pins Madara's other wrist down, watching the tricolored eyes swirl as Madara pushes upward to match his rhythm.

"I think _maybe_ I'll keep you," Tobirama admits, a faint purr under his voice as he licks up Madara's neck, nipping under his jaw and along the bared throat, feeling the other's breath hitch under his lips as he switches to a faster pace. "Argumentative, _loud_ , a little dim-witted but in a charming way, and you're pretty enough to make up for it."

" _You_ _assho—!_ " Madara voices catches on the insult as Tobirama bites down hard on his unmarked shoulder. He shudders underneath the shifter, clenching down around Tobirama, and loosing all control of his temperature as he comes between them.

Tobirama groans, grinding into what feels like a living furnace as he pushes himself up a little, struggling to stay still as he waits out Madara's climax.

It's gratifying to watch Madara come undone, to watch him tense and shake and go boneless. The dilated pupils and the unfocused gaze that drift back to his face as Tobirama starts moving again make something go warm and soft and possessive in his chest.

So yes, alright, it might be a "mine" thing.

He lets go of Madara's wrists, bracing himself better against the bed as he moves, trying to get that last push he needs for release. Madara hums, reaching up to drag him into another kiss before trailing burning fingers down his back. Tobirama arches his spine into the strokes, approval vibrating in his chest and—

Sparks burst across his vision as a hand grabs the base of his tail and strokes. He chokes, falling over the edge and burying himself closer as the world abruptly shatters into pleasure.

He comes back to himself slowly, lying with his face buried against Madara's neck and the feeling of hands slowly sliding up and down his spine. Madara makes a disgruntled noise as Tobirama unpeels himself but just unwraps his legs with a tiny wince before dragging the shifter back down to lay by his side.

Tobirama drops his head on the man's shoulder, nuzzling until he finds the perfect position for comfort, and then he throws an arm and leg over his new personal heater and settles in for a nap.

Madara laughs softly as the purring starts back up and pets the thick fluffy tail lying within reach. He goes to bury his face in Tobirama's white hair, feeling a little sentimental, and—

"Ow."

Tobirama's purrs hiccup briefly in what's _clearly_ a repressed snort at his expense, and Madara scowls.

"Don't _laugh_ at me. You bit me! Twice!" he snaps, trying not to move the muscles in his shoulders.

"You asked for it."

"I said nothing of the sort! And if that's not a good enough excuse for me, you definitely don't get to use it!"

" _They had it coming_ and _you asked for it_ are not the same thing," Tobirama murmurs. "Now raise your temperature back up: I liked it better a moment ago."

"You are impossible! Don't just nap!"

"You have run on a broken leg and carried one of your shipmates back through a live firefight, but you're complaining about a few bites?"

"Who knows where you've been!?"

Tobirama laughs briefly, twisting so he can open one red eye and look at Madara's annoyed face. "You know _exactly_ where I've been, Madara," he says, voice dropping to a suggestive rumble as he watches Madara immediately flush red.

"THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!" he yells.

Tobirama winces, ears flattening at the loud sound near his head. He flicks Madara's ribs pointedly, sitting up with a mild glare to grab a sheet to cover them with. "Relax. I'll go fetch a dermal regenerator at shift change. It's hardly like you need to worry about catching anything your immune system wouldn't burn through within—"

Tobirama frowns, pausing as he's about to settle down. Burn through. Drugs that different systems burn through at predictable rates. Except they had all shared the same communal food, and yet _he_ was the only one effected at all in a group of ten people which included three other shifters.

"Exactly what are the bets concerning us right now?" Tobirama asks, drumming his fingers on Madara's sternum and twitching an ear as the brunet's breathing shifts.

"Since _when_ do I know that?" Madara says, eyes flickering over Tobirama's body as his hand starts playing with his partner's fluffy tail again.

"Hmm," he considers his options but... "I'll hunt down the culprit tomorrow. How much are those bites _really_ bothering you?" Tobirama asks, raking a single fingernail down Madara's chest and watching his response with interest.

"They're awful," Madara distractedly snaps, hands settling on Tobirama's hips as he straddles Madara's waist with a smirk. "Absolutely terrible. You owe me one, Senju. More than one, two at least!"

"Is that so?" Tobirama asks, leaning down to trace different muscles groups with his tongue. "And what exactly do you want?"

"A lot of things. How about— _fuck!_ " Madara curses, jerking as Tobirama sneaks a hand down and slips a finger back inside him.

"That sounds acceptable," Tobirama murmurs, adding another finger as he looks around for what happened to the lube. "Let's do that while you figure out the rest of it then."


End file.
